It's raining men

I lost my faith in men.

I've become cynical and indifferent towards them and I've lowered my expectations to an absolute minimum. I mean, I try to be nice to them and tell them nice things, but in reality, I've become one of those women who use men like some men use women and I don't even feel bad about it. They're just things. Things with a purpose like most other things, and I take what i need from them and move on. Very few are excepted this treatment.

I guess some people would call me a bitch. Just like they would call men like me bastards. And i guess that's ok, I mean, if you're the kind of person who'se in the buisness of judging other peoples buisnesses. But because I'm a woman it's so somehow different. I'm somehow supposed to want something different then men want and they are supposed to never get attached while I am supposed to. I don't buy it. I don't buy in to the men-don't-have-feelings-and-women-do analogy. It's a narrative designed to maintain oh-so-convenient gender-roles that we all love to feed into so much.

Speak up! I can't hear you!
I think more people need to learn how to be bitches. Say this is what i want from you, and this is what i don't want. I can't stand people who can't be frank about their intentions and read more into situations than they dare talk about, and then get pissy over the outcome. There is no implicit meaning in action, that's what so charming about it. Anything can happend next. Noone wants to read a book of which ending they allready know. So if I tell you I want something from you, I want just that, take it or leave it. The truth is, I most likely don't want to marry you, have your babies, see you tomorrow or not even sleep with you. And that's my friend frank for you.

The return to innocence

There's something wonderful about being a vulgar woman. Noone ever expects anything else from you, and you get away with it alot more than your brothers in crime, because it's just sooo cute and out-of-caracter. I looked into egyptian harrassment-issues and I'm surprised on how fast my views change on the importance of modest clothing. Two months ago i had to look away at the sight of a woman in singlets, but now, well, let's just say it's changed. It feels so good to be freed from that overly-sexualized society where all you have to worry about is not showing too much skin. Not being fancy, not being comfortable, not avoid sweating to death. Just be modest. Well, ma'salaama to that.

So since I've been back I've slowly returned to my superhero-every-weekend-and-sick-all-week-mode. I've been sick almost 3 weeks now, but it hasn't been the same thing all the time. My immune-system (or lifestyle?) always finds a way to kick me when I'm down. I'm seeing a doc tomorrow, and I allready thinking of ways to get out of the blood-drawing. I haven't gotten my thyreoditis looked into since early may though, and I never recieved the results from those.

I've taken a lot of pics lately, and I've semi-joined a student-organization that might help me get a good internship. I think I want to finish my thesis first though, so maybe not before this summer. I'm not getting any scholarships till mid-october at the soonest, so that kind of sucks, because I haven't been able to work lately.

The man has more or less taken over the bar at a theatre, and he's still working his old shifts so he's quite busy, though currently down sick too. *sigh* Norwegian falls, that's what they do to you. I guess that's all folks, all I'll put in print here atleast. :)