Sleep will not come to this tired body now, peace will not come to this lonely heart

I hate the fact the it's 5.37 am and i still haven't had a moment of sleep. I am going back to work in a few hours and it would be *really* nice to just be rested for once. Sleepdeprivition works like alcohol-intocication. A few hours short is like a few pints down. And concidering i spend my life mostly tipsy and sleep-deprived, it's no wonder i get a little weird now and then. Ok, very weird, shut up.

So i've spent the past hours twisting in bed conteplating the vast majority of men i've known in my life. Some men are good people, in spite of their general reputation. I honestly prefer the company of men rather than women 90% of the time. Unless they are hopelessly and unreturnably attracted to me though, that sucks i hate needy men. It just struck me today (like so many imes before) that i keep attracting weirdos. And not always the good way. And certain types of weirdos.

Like The Geezer. I somehow seem completely irresistable to old men. Don't get me wrong, i don't mind some years behind their ears, but when you're pushing that 4 5 it might be time to get some new ambitions in life. Seriously, if you haven't outgrown me in 15 years, chanses are i'll outgrow you in one. Besides, did it ever occur to you that even Lolita turns into a dragon when she's PMSing? Still, they love me. Maybe i am pushing it, what the hell do i know, give me a jobinterview with a man in his 50s and i'm hired. My friends fathers would have me watch my friends for them while out and about in our teens. As if i was Mother Theresa. If they only knew...

And then offcourse, there is the loser. I was probably nice to him a some point, possibly out of pity, likely over the internet, and now he just can't get over it. There is a possibility that i thought he was gay (hell, there is a possbility that he is, and just hasn' realised it) and wanted to go shopping with him and watch bad tellyshows with pretty shoes in them. He could be some guy i hooked up with once in the 90's, who never, in all those years managed to ever meet someone who could match up with me in any way and now he kind of wish he hadn't dumped me. He thought i was such a wonderful, reflected teen, and doens't have a clue about how much i hate the teenage-version of myself or how pathetic it is to not having been able to move on. He's ready to be a perfect doormat and he's not afraid to tell you. There is a possibility of this guy also being a geezer, atleast at this point. Most stalkers belong in this group.

And lets not forget the misinformed. The guy who'se seen me at the club, at the gym, or at work, and thinks i'm runner up for the Domina 2007 award. Or that i am secretly just longing for the saviour before whome i can let my guard down and let out my inner animal and be thankful to forever after. Possibly sob a little in the corner of his arm, the full deal, you know it. Or that i want someone who will pay for me or order my dinner, nod at everything i say as if he cared and never disagree with anything. Any guy who thinks he can pull off pink and still attract women. Man, if you're waiting to be saved, you might possibly drown.

A last, there is the psycho. And i'm no just talking about those desperate moments where you do moronic things, i'd be a hypocrite if i didn't forgive those, but the hands down, fullblood psycho. He could belong to either group, but there is a big fat chanse he belongs to all, and i'll leave it at that.

I keep asking myself why we even fall for them. See, this is where the problem is posed; you, out of being misinformed, think you fall for one of them, so you act like the stupid-teen-version of yourself and turn into a psycho. And the only reason any semi-sane man would fall for that is if he belonged in one of the above groups. The best men i know i've met while being drunk, when people get honest and transparent. Apart from my father whom i met whe i was born (sober i think), bless him, noone can match up with him. I always was a daddy's girl.

I was once kissed by a guy that didn't have a soul. I don't even know if i belive in soul, but if it exists, i'm pretty sure he didn't have one. It was quite weird, it was like kissing a stepford-wife. He was handsome, funny, and a great guy to be around. And when he kissed me there was just noone in there. He wasn't a bad kisser, it wasn't that, he wasn't cold or ipassionate (can you say that?). It was just the least amount of connection i've felt with anyone and it was rather scary. Kind of made me wish i'd had a drink first, or better, run off and have a drink with a friend while discussing the philosophy of souls.

So. When we actually do connect with someone (who insha allah posesses a soul), when you find someone whose company you enjoy, who shares your ideas, laughs with you and lets you spend the night on their shoulder, why the hell do people leave eachother? It's beyond me.